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THE KINDNESS HABIT - LOGO 300x300-white-background.png
THE KINDNESS HABIT - LOGO 300x300-white-background.png
  • Writer's pictureRandall McNeely

See the Best, Be the Best

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."

Key Takeaways Up Front:

✅ How we see ourselves and others matters

✅ How we think about ourselves will determine our resilience, strength and determination to carry on in the face of adversity

✅ How we see others will drive how we treat others

✅ Seeking to bring the best out in others will bring the best our in ourselves.

Shout Outs!

Before I jump into this edition of The Kindness Habit, I need to give a couple of shout outs. 

NOTE - None of those included in the shout outs knew they were coming!

First, congratulations to the amazing kindness advocate, Barbara Vercruysse on the release of her new book, The Path of Powerful Kindness: A Return to Humanness. It came out on November 15th, 2023. In it Barbara shares powerful insights on regaining our humanness - the ability to see ourselves and others as human beings - and how we can reconnect to the power of kindness. She shares a simple pragmatic approach for becoming an agent for transformation on a micro and macro level.

Second, congratulations to Tim Wenzel, CPP and Lee Oughton CSMP® on the release of their amazing book The Kindness Games: How a Single Post Changed Our Mindset about Community. The book takes you through the amazing journey that began with a single post during the Covid 19 pandemic, challenging people to be more kind. In it you'll get to read powerful stories of transformation that happened as people embraced intentional kindness.

Now to this week's newsletter.

Call to Action Review

At the end of last week's edition I posed the following questions:

  1. How do I see and think about the people around me - all the people around me?

  2. How do I see myself?

  3. Do I see and think about myself and others as having the same basic needs to live, to love and be loved, to feel important? Or do I dehumanize myself or others, and see myself and others as objects, as mere pawns in the game of life.

I then invited you to chew on those questions for a while because they are vital to our own progression and to our ability to help others to progress.

Did you do it? What insights did you discover? If you're willing to share, I'd love to hear about them in the comments.

Let's take a few minutes to discuss them. In reality, the second and third questions could have been combined and so my approach in this writing comes from that perspective.

How We See Ourselves

Why does how you and I see ourselves matter?

It matters because the reality of life is that you and I can never get away from ourselves.

We are with ourselves day in day out 365 days a year. That constant companionship includes constant companionship with our thoughts, attitudes, and desires which drive our actions which create habits.

Common sense and experience show when we see ourselves as wonderful human beings who, though we have our weaknesses, deserve to be valued and appreciated, we have a greater tendency towards resilience, strength, and determination, even in the most challenging of circumstances.

We also know through experience that the opposite is true. If we dehumanize ourselves, seeing and treating ourselves as objects or symbols, or if we constantly feast on a diet of negative self-talk and develop a sour relationship with ourselves, our ability to stand strong in the face of adversity is diminished and our strength and determination weakened. Our self-worth takes a nosedive. In that weakened condition we find it is much easier to embrace a victim mentality, jump on the pity mobile ride for a while and allow our vision and feeling focus to be sucked inwards. We find ourselves wandering in the dark, spending precious time in unproductive, wallowing stagnation, when we could be spending that same time in productive, lifting and building, both of ourselves and others.

As human beings, you and I have the ability to choose how we will see, think about, and relate to ourselves.


I know of many people, who, having been exposed to the most negative and violent environments, have determined that though they couldn't control their environments, only they had control of their minds. Others faced tremendous physical difficulties, that could have crippled them mentally and emotionally, yet, they chose not to let their circumstances control their thoughts and attitudes towards themselves. Victor Frankl, Corrie Ten Boom, Nic Vujicic, and Eric Weihenmayer come to mind.

Thoughts have power. They can make or break us. It behooves us to choose them wisely.

How We See Others

Our self-view has a direct impact on the forging of the lens by which we see others. Just as objectifying ourselves has a detrimental, dehumanizing impact, the objectification of others has the same dehumanizing affect. When we see others as "less than," pride and arrogance raise their ugly heads and we find it much easier to treat people poorly than we would otherwise, because in reality, "less than," is "less than human." We see ugly examples of this all over social media where people vilify and malign each other with impunity because each individual or group sees the other individual or group as inferior. Incivility reigns in many conversations from pundits, influencers, and politicians alike.

The truth is, everyone who embraces dehumanization is in reality embracing misery for themselves and misery for others.

The opposite is also true. Everyone who embraces humanization, seeing others as human beings who deserve to be valued and appreciated, embraces happiness for themselves and happiness for others.

In the opening graphic I included the following quote:

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”

The converse of that statement is also true. 

When we seek to discover the best in ourselves, it is much easier to bring out the best in others!

I know through personal experience that when I'm in a state of healthy balance with my self-image, it is much easier to see and think of others with that same balance. It is much easier to see other as human beings who have the same needs that I have -- desires to live, love and be loved, and to feel valued and appreciated. Rather than having my vision sucked inward as described above, I find it easy to focus outward and see others with a caring eye, putting myself in a much better position to lift, build, and strengthen if needed.

I'm willing to bet many, if not most of you, have had the same experience.

Practical Formula

At this point, you might be thinking, "that is all well and good, but where's the proof. You haven't sited any studies."

I've found in life, at least with regards to the things we're discussing, it is easier to do a personal study and get first hand experience that allows us to see and feel things in the moment, is the best way to learn. 

To that end I've created a practical formula that I'll share here. 

  1. EMBRACE a love-focused mindset/heartset and DETERMINE to be a Kindness Giver.

  2. Every day, THINK of and PLAN ways to be a Kindness Giver

  3. Every day, LOOK for and ACT on opportunities to be a Kindness Giver

  4. Every day, INVITE and ENCOURAGE others to do the same.

  5. Every day, REFLECT on and RECORD your experiences, both with giving and receiving kindness. 

Call to Action

Over the next 7 days, put this formula to work in your own life - personally and professionally. I'll be doing it right along with you. I invite you to come prepared to report your efforts in the comments for next week's newsletter.

I am bold enough to make you this promise. If you will put this formula into practice faithfully over the next seven days it will have a transformational impact on your life and allow you to have that same impact on others. 


It will broaden your vision and expand your mind and heart toward yourself and others - helping you SEE THE BEST AND BE THE BEST!

It will open opportunities to lift, build, and love others personally and professional in ways you don't expect. 

It will increase your personal and professional happiness and joy.

That is bold, but I can say I know it is true because I have experienced it myself.

Until next week. Remember to embrace kindness - it does everybody good!


About Randy

Randall McNeely is a passionate advocate for kindness and the transformative power it can have in our lives.

Randy speaks about and teaches how to lead with kindness to bring out the best in others and get fantastic results.

Reach out today with a direct message to book Randy for your next event.

Sponsored by -

Stop by their website to find out how you can help your city can establish World Kindness Week and become a City of Kindness


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